Covid crisis is almost two years now and it’s taking a toll on almost everything, including one we most need –  friendship. 

What is a true friendship? To me, it’s an unselfish relationship, one that doesn’t involve hard thinking, one that’s on automatic pilot. Hard to achieve, but do-able. It’s a two-way street of giving and taking and entails a lot of sacrifice. For others, it’s like, “what’s in it for me, what do I gain out of it”. For others, friendship is equated to a sexual relationship, which I find to be contemptible. Sadly, many people have been burned by the movie idea of friendship. This is fictional, not reality. Internet and social media depict friendship as a casual acquaintance with others. Facebook friend denotes a superficial friendship, activated by a click.

Friendship can be an offshoot of attending a common school or sharing a work environment. Without a higher motive, these common place links can produce rivalries and intense competitions. The issue with a  relationship which is often mistaken for friendship is that it has been based too much on what the person can get from the relationship. It has become a rather self-serving motivation to develop a relationship with one who can connect you with someone you want to ask something from. But, if two people can come together based on mutual give and take, friendship can emerge and develop into a genuine relationship, one wherein you don’t have to think about favours, one wherein you just want to enjoy the other’s company. It is possible to have a relationship with no strings attached and enjoy the genuineness of such a relationship.

Based on my personal experience of having been stabbed in the back and betrayed more than once by so-called friends. I can attest that the distorted vision of friendship is, unfortunately, also rampant among culture organizations. My reasons in joining ethnic organizations has always been to connect with people I share the same background with and to educate myself on other cultures, which explains my involvement in the Ethnic Press. Whatever relationships I develop while in these organizations has always been well-meaning. Sadly, I’ve been burned on some occasions by people who have a warped vision of the definition of friendship. The last few years have been rather difficult with deceptions and betrayals by “friends” occurring even before the pandemic.

The pandemic brought to the forefront who my true friends are and have helped me let go of some of my so-called friends. Being taken for granted is so frustrating and hurtful. It makes you feel used. Today, there are ever fewer friends and ever greater hatred among people than should be between friends, even within families, because of sibling rivalry. The lack of friendship is pushing society into advanced stage of disintegration. The root cause is selfishness and the lack of charity. The pandemic aggravated this problem immensely. Recent reports show loss of friendship and loneliness increased during the lockdowns. Some say they have not made a single friend in five years. Others say they have no friends at all. Loneliness, aggravated by few or decreasing number of friends, is causing sharp increase in suicides and depression rates.

My mantra on friendship has always been “love thyself first, then everything will flow from that, even friendship”.

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash